Thank God for the internet. Or should I thank Al Gore? I don’t know. I’m still confused on who made the internet. My point is without email my husband and I would probably not be married.
See, I may not be the best arguer but I can craft a thoughtful, articulate email. When I say “may not be the best”, by the way, I mean I’m the absolute worst possible communicator when I’m angry, hurt, sad, hungry, sleepy or irritable (so any of the 7 dwarfs really).
Our arguments consist of me giving him the silent treatment until he figures out that I’m giving him the silent treatment (this could take a while).
Are you mad at me?
No, of course not. I’m just stomping through the house, huffing and puffing and sighing very loudly to let the robbers in the attic know we’re home. (I always think we have robbers. Why they haven't come out & robbed and/or murdered us already is besides the point.)
Then I announce in an odd, high-pitched, sing-songy voice what I’m mad about and how I can’t believe he *insert stupid thing/comment/action*.
He apologizes and SCENE, if this were a Jennifer Lopez rom-com.
But then he has to go and make it a THING. (Way to go, Mark)
So then we’re locked in a battle over something really important and we have to “talk it out”.
This wouldn’t be a problem if I could think on my feet. But I’m more like a “lie face down” kind of thinker when I’m angry. My points get jumbled; I speak in short hand known only to me, and butcher clichés on the regular. (FYI, I butcher cliches all the time.)
I didn’t even think about what I said earlier and I can see how it would make you feel but I didn’t intend to hurt your feelings.
*sob* It’s just….it really hurt my heart…*sob*…my feelings are sore…*SOB* …*SOB* …and, and *SOB* and you just pulled all the air out of my balloon…and lunch is gone....and now my day got a monkey in the wrench.
Translation: my feelings are hurt *sob* and with one comment you took the wind out of my sails *sob* your callous comments ruined my lunch hour and this argument threw a monkey wrench in my day.
Thank god for email because no one is going to win a fight sounding like that.
And I should probably never use cliches in an argument. Hillbilly is not a language.
1 day ago