I’m a Mom. And I’m not perfect. I know that you’re not either but I fear that some of you are probably doing it better than me. Have you seen those Pinterest crafts?
This wouldn’t be such a bad thing but this job is kind of a big deal. I read tonight that we only have 900 weeks with our children before they leave our home. I know, right? 900 weeks.
|Black beans are her favorite.|
I fear that might not be enough to time to impart the wisdom I’ve learned from all of the John Hughes’ movies. Notably, never wear your bra on your head during a thunderstorm, and always, always befriend the guy named Ducky.
With my panic mode dutifully set in for the night, my brain immediately goes to the “working mom” guilt.
I’m a mom who works outside the home. There are so many days since I’ve had Ella (ok, all of them) that I question whether I am doing a disservice to her by working.
It’s not like she doesn’t have a fabulous time during the day. We are so lucky to have my aunt and uncle watch her every day. She’s loved beyond measure, gets to grow up with her cousin, and gets to go to pre-school and do all kinds of fun things. She’s a lucky girl.
But it’s been a trying weekend. A doctor’s visit on a Saturday for an ugly bug bite that made her face swell up and add that onto the misery of a late summer cold it has made someone extra cranky.
Sippy cup not being held at the right angle? Tears.
Diaper change without being able to stand up and walk around at the same time? Tears, screaming and kicks to the gut (mine, not hers).
I’m wiped. And for the first time in a long time I’m looking forward to Monday.
So, of course, I’m a pool of mushy mom guilt.
Shouldn’t I want to stay home with her all day, every day? Shouldn’t I want to wrestle her through the tantrums because I took away her sippy cup? Or at least be there for all of the the really, really good moments?
Then again, for me personally, I think I have more patience with her when I know I have such limited time. I’m scared of my ability to be patient and present with her every day. I don’t know if I’d be the Mom she deserves and the one I want to be if I did not work outside the home.
But it’s never that easy, is it? One minute I’m perfectly content to be a working mom and then… BAM…I’m right back to wanting to be a stay at home momma.
|Fabulous hair styling all around.|
Really, it’s like I have split personalities. I don’t know the answers. I don’t know what the future holds.
Right now, I’m planning on getting up and going to work. Ella will have a perfectly lovely day.
I am sure there will be a bit of guilt for the way things could be in a perfect world interspersed with feelings of gratitude for the way things are. That is really all I know.
|Love this girl with everything I have.|