Monday, August 27, 2012

Mommy Guilt: Or, You Know, Just Another Monday

I’m a Mom.  And I’m not perfect.   I know that you’re not either but I fear that some of you are probably doing it better than me.  Have you seen those Pinterest crafts?

This wouldn’t be such a bad thing but this job is kind of a big deal.   I read tonight that we only have 900 weeks with our children before they leave our home.  I know, right?  900 weeks. 

Black beans are her favorite. 

I fear that might not be enough to time to impart the wisdom I’ve learned from all of the John Hughes’ movies.  Notably, never wear your bra on your head during a thunderstorm, and always, always befriend the guy named Ducky.   

With my panic mode dutifully set in for the night, my brain immediately goes to the “working mom” guilt.  

I’m a mom who works outside the home.  There are so many days since I’ve had Ella (ok, all of them) that I question whether I am doing a disservice to her by working.  

Bath time! 

 It’s not like she doesn’t have a fabulous time during the day.   We are so lucky to have my aunt and uncle watch her every day.  She’s loved beyond measure, gets to grow up with her cousin, and gets to go to pre-school and do all kinds of fun things.  She’s a lucky girl. 

But it’s been a trying weekend.  A doctor’s visit on a Saturday for an ugly bug bite that made her face swell up and add that onto the misery of a late summer cold it has made someone extra cranky. 

Sippy cup not being held at the right angle?  Tears.

Diaper change without being able to stand up and walk around at the same time?  Tears, screaming and kicks to the gut (mine, not hers). 

I’m wiped.  And for the first time in a long time I’m looking forward to Monday.
So, of course, I’m a pool of mushy mom guilt.  

The girls.

 Shouldn’t I want to stay home with her all day, every day?   Shouldn’t I want to wrestle her through the tantrums because I took away her sippy cup?  Or at least be there for all of the the really, really good moments? 

Then again, for me personally, I think I have more patience with her when I know I have such limited time.   I’m scared of my ability to be patient and present with her every day.  I don’t know if I’d be the Mom she deserves and the one I want to be if I did not work outside the home. 

But it’s never that easy, is it?  One minute I’m perfectly content to be a working mom and then… BAM…I’m right back to wanting to be a stay at home momma.  

Fabulous hair styling all around. 

Really, it’s like I have split personalities.   I don’t know the answers.  I don’t know what the future holds. 

Right now, I’m planning on getting up and going to work.   Ella will have a perfectly lovely day. 

I am sure there will be a bit of guilt for the way things could be in a perfect world interspersed with feelings of gratitude for the way things are.  That is really all I know.  

Love this girl with everything I have.


Becky said...

Kristen, you can put away your Mommy Guilt. It doesn’t matter if you work in or out of the home, there is always guilt. I didn't do that, I yelled when I shouldn't have, I'm always rushed trying to be everything for everyone, is the house clean enough, did I remember to wash the soccer uniform, it goes on and on. If you stayed at home would you constantly ask yourself "why am I here?" or "I miss doing what I trained to do", and you know the questions you ask yourself at work. Stop reading things that only make you feel more guilty, we give ourselves more than enough.
There is only one way to win this battle. Love her every minute of every day because those days of having her WANT to be around you are limited. Give her confidence; the confidence in her ideas, her dreams and desires and the decisions that she makes on her own, the confidence to meet the world head on and say “I can do this”. The end result; your hope is that you have raised a responsible, mature adult who contributes to society in whatever way they choose. An adult who not only makes their own way but has compassion for others, a desire to do good works, and the worse/good thing for us parents - a child NOT dependent on you for their everything.
Ella is loved by so many, not because they have to but because they want to. She already has confidence that no matter what she can count on you, AND if necessary you have others to hold you up.
So go about your work day and put away your guilt.

mvmarmon said...

The guilt is just because you are a Mom who loves her child so much. No matter what we do, we always question is this right, or is this what I should have done? I have never met the perfect mother yet, but I have known many mothers who rank up there, and I can tell you they also have the guilt. The only thing to feel guilty about is if you do not love your child with every fiber of your being and that is not you! So enjoy her now as you said, you have so little time before they are off on their own. She is one lucky little girl.

Sam said...

Dear Aunt Becky, and K of course!

I don't know you (actually), but I want you to be my adopted aunt. Really appreciate your comments!


Becky said...

You don't have to know me, I'm always available for aunt duty to whoever needs me. Thanks for even reading my comments. Sorry that I didn't see this until today.

Aunt Becky

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