Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I Talk In My Sleep



(Urgent, hushed whisper)  Mark, Mark…  WAKE UP
What?
There are people staring at us!
WTF?   (Dangerous, underwear-clad husband jumps out of bed to defend his family)
WHERE ARE THEY?
Up there!  (Points to the ceiling)
*sigh* Kristen, go back to bed.  You’re dreaming
***************************************************
(Hushed whisper)   Mark, Mark, Wake UP!
What is it?
Is the crystal ok?
WHAT?
(Demandingly) I SAID, Is the crystal ok?
The crystal is fine.  Go back to sleep.
****************************************************
(Hushed whisper) Mark, Mark WAKE UP!
What?
(Shrieking, near panic) Where’s the baby? I CAN'T FIND THE BABY!
OHMYGOD!  WHERES THE BABY?  WHERE DID YOU PUT HER?
(After taking a breath) *Sigh* the baby is in her crib.  Go back to sleep.   
Oh, ok.
******************************************************
(Patting his head and whispering) Shhhh….it’s ok….it’s ok…
What are you doing?
Shhhhh…it’s ok….it’s ok
*sigh* Kristen go to sleep.  You’re dreaming. 
*****************************************************
What are you doing?  Pause.  KRISTEN! What are you doing?

(trying to pick up my husband like he was a baby)

Kristen, you're trying to squish me into a ball.  I'm not the baby.  Put me down. 

Go back to sleep.





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