Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Let's Get Physical ... er... Healthy

I’m doing this “Let’s Get Healthy” thing. You know the drill – eat better, move more, consume considerably smaller amounts of brownie, etc.

(Side note: “Let’s Get Healthy” should be sung to the tune of “Let’s Get Physical” by Olivia Newton John. It just makes sense.)

In the spirit of “Let’s Get Healthy” I had to measure myself last night. It wasn’t pretty. Mainly because I don’t know how to work a tape measure. Do you put the metal end piece thing-y so it’s just touching the other end of the tape measure or on top of the tape measure? I took livestock in 4-H because I thought it would be a good way to meet boys so my sewing skills are lacking. (Note: if you like making out with someone that smells like manure then, yes, it is a great place to meet boys.)

That is not the point, however. The point IS: I had to measure myself last night. Measuring a few areas on your body is supposed to be a good way to tell if you’re losing inches. Pounds lost is not always the best guide. It's also a good way to become an alcoholic.




So for those of you looking to make a change and want to get started, I’ve made a quick step-by-step guide:

1. Figure out how to use the tape measure.

2. Wrap the tape measure around the body part you choose to start with. For example, I chose my thigh.

3. Stare, disbelievingly, at said number.

4. Deny that that number is correct.

5. Re-do the measurement.

6. Start whimpering.

7. DENY the measurement.

8. Storm out of bathroom.

9. Grab a glass of wine.

10. Measure, AGAIN.

11. Commence bawling.

12. Sip glass of wine. Grab the bottle of wine.

13. Lie on bathroom floor.

14. Order a pizza.

The following steps are crucial, y'all:


15. Have your significant other tell you that you are awesome and perfect and lovely no matter what that stupid tape measure says.**Crucial**

16. Wipe nose with his shirt.

17. Throw away tape measure.

Clearly there was a reason those manure boys and I didn’t work out.




Photo credit: Flickr


 

9 comments:

Julie Marling said...

Cute post ;) New follower from Wednesday hop. Love for you to follow back when you get a chance.

http://naptimeshopper.blogspot.com

Oh, I have a fb hop right now. Love to have you!

Kristen @ The Chronicles of Dutch said...

Thanks Julie! I'm going over to check out your hop right now :)

♥ Shar said...

Hi!

I'm Shar a new follower from the blog hop!
Come visit me at: http://sharmartinez.blogspot.com

Haha hilarious post!

xoxo -Shar

Laura said...

Kristen, you make me laugh! :)
-Laura

Anonymous said...

Hillarious Chica! I love your writting style.

Leslie Harris said...

Can you hear me laughing through your computer screen? Loved this post!
Leslie (aka Gwen Moss blog)

Kristen @ The Chronicles of Dutch said...

Thanks Shar!

Love your little guy in his nightgown!

Kristen @ The Chronicles of Dutch said...

Thanks lady! I appreciate it :)

Kristen @ The Chronicles of Dutch said...

Thanks Leslie!

Post a Comment