Friday, December 30, 2011

Those Damn Red Bows...

When we first moved to Houston we lived in the city. We didn't know much about the city and weren't too sure where to settle.  However, after spending 5 days by myself looking at places where all the white walls just blended together we had to pull the trigger if we were ever going to move out of the extended stay hotel.  (If I have too many options I get confused and agitated, kinda like a caged tiger and then I just lash out.  Its better if you only provide like 2 choices "white or wheat" and then I pick. Don't go throwing all the multi- grain/baguette/pretzel options around.  And seriously when did pretzel bread become a choice? Usually when you are spouting off options, I'm just noticing your nasal hairs are about to touch your top lip and it grosses me out and then I just end up picking the last thing I heard which I usually end up hating.  Also, once I've picked,  DO NOT tell me I'm missing "THIS SUPER FANTASTIC OPTION" because I will FREAK out and we'll need to go through the whole process again. )

Sorry - pretzel bread always gets me. 

I chose a place - priced right, right amount of space, decent location. We liked it until one of us didn't.  Personally, I liked the rather 'un-doneness' of city life.  The messiness, the bums, the traffic zooming past at 3:00 am all seemed like a good time to me.  I always imagined that if I chose to go out past 10:00pm on a Saturday night that everything was at my finger tips. There was SO MUCH STUFF TO DO!! Right outside my door.  It didn't matter that I never actually went anywhere past 10:00pm.  It was there!

On the other hand, after 2 years, my engineer, border-line OCD husband wanted the structure of the suburbs. He wanted order.  He wanted the HOA to scream at you if the car parked on the street hasn't been moved in 48 hours.  He wanted a street corner that didn't require you to lock your doors and roll up your windows because the pan handlers got a little too...friendly, I guess?  I finally caved after the shootings started to get closer.  So I waved goodbye to the blond women  on the corner who was fooling NOBODY with her "I need food sign" and moved to the 'burbs.  I am positive it was more like "I need more meth for my super powered meth habit", based on my A&E Intervention education.

So now we live in a very nice suburb of Houston.  Its a planned community.  Run by a bunch of straight-laced folks.  Some people call it a bubble.  Others call it Stepford. 16 year old children drive better cars than I do and I've been working for as long as they've been alive.  You get the point. 

When we moved into the house in  August I was already mentally planning out my holiday decorations.  I was pumped to decorate our first house for Christmas.  I must admit however, that my vision is always way more merry and bright than reality.  Do you know how expensive those darn white lights cost? And we have 8 bushes in the front of our house! That is like... many dollars and cents combined (math is so not my strong suite).  And who is going to spend $89 for a wreath, Hobby Lobby? I'll wait until after Christmas when the tinsel tumbleweeds float down the empty aisles to try to snag one on like 80% off.  Granted, all the red berries have fallen off and someone has pulled out the greenery on the left side but I'll totally slap a bow on it and call it a day. 

After weeks of getting everything bought and put up it was only as we were driving to work around December 20th that I noticed the bows.  All of our neighbors had tied these ginormous red bows on the trees lining the street.  Everyone except us.  Was this a 'thing'?  Turns out, its totally a thing.  This year in the mail we received a notice: "Help us Keep A.P. Festive." The letter went on to say that its been a tradition for 20+ years to tie the brightly colored red bows on the trees.  I was still at home during December with the baby, which means technically I could have gone to the store (carried her 30 lb car seat to the car, listened as she wailed in the back because she doesn't like her car seat, pulled up just as she was settled in for a nap only to wake her up,  trudge through the tiny aisles with stroller/car seat combo, weaved my way through the mass of people, procure 3 red ginormous bows, stand in line for 20 minutes, and then found the time to go put them on the trees) but alas....I just couldn't bring myself to care.  No red bows for us. Sorry neighbors! I'm sure the HOA will be sending us a letter soon.     


SisterMerryHellish said...

I've been living outside of the city for 5 years now and I still fear all the fun I'm missing just minutes away. Thankfully MadamBob and I roll through the hood (Bloody Nickel) on the way to work. *sigh* That's better!

Dazee Dreamer said...

ooohhh, the joys of HOA's.

Kristen said...

I'm a first timer with the HOA so I guess I'm grateful there is no pink cadillac on my neighbor's front lawn?

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