What Happens When I'm Angry

You know when you're mad at your husband and you just have to leave the house and go somewhere to vent?   

Movies are out.   I mean, the fight isn't that big of a deal (but he will not know this yet) so once he figures out how wrong he is and apologizes you will make him take you to see that Valentine's Day chick flick starring like 74 Hollywood stars. (Also, how horrible are those movies? And why can't I stop watching them?) 

Restaurants are definitely out.   I like to do my stress eating in private.  No one needs to see me pigging out on cupcakes and pumpkin pancakes.  

The mall is dangerous.  If I'm really irate, I have been known to go on a buying spree with our joint account.   That's right...I'll show you, Mark!  I'm going to make us poor.  

That will definitely show him!  You go, Kristen! 

So my safety choice is CVS.  

If I'm in a really poor mood my ability to resist product marketing is minimal.  Do you ever have the feeling that with one tube of the perfect mascara or one vitamin/retinal/placenta packed face cream that all of your troubles will mysteriously melt away?   

You mean THIS mascara will make me look like I have little wings attached to my eyes and every time I blink it will make it rain in the Amazon? Sold. (Also, that’s the Butterfly Effect, right? I never got all the way through that horrible Ashton Kutcher movie so I’m just guessing.)  

A couple of my mascaras. And yes, those two are basically the same but one is Carbon Black and other is Black Black.

Buy this little tub of farts wrapped in organic dust bunnies we found under our couch sprinkled with real life angel sneezes and you’ll never look a day over 3 years old again!  

And buy them, I do.  

Just a few of the many products I've invested in. 

Anyone need body lotion, antibacterial hand lotion, spritzes, sprays? 

I’m a complete sucker.   I'd like to say "I'm a complete sucker when I'm angry" but really I'm kidding no one.  I'm just a sucker for all these fun little 'miracle cures'. 

My execution is lacking, however.  

My bathroom is filled with little baskets and in those little baskets are zillions of half empty bottles of lotions, creams, retinals, soaps and the odd makeup that just never looked right.   

They all sit there in their little basket, mocking me.   

I’m made of freaking organic dust bunnies, girl!  What is not to love?  

I guess the real question is, does Good Will accept half used bottles of night cream, body lotion, eye wrinkle magic, and dark spot remover?

And, maybe I should just go eat my feelings the next time we fight.  After looking at all my 'potions', I feel like that might be a better use of my time.  

It's Not You, Double Pleasure On The Grill, It's Me.

I'm a little OCD, like even with my food. I hear this bordering on "medication required" OCD just means I like to have some sense of control over my life. Whatevs. I highly recommend this form of mental instability. The only problem I see is you get to places on time, you make copious notes so you never forget anything (even at 2:37 in the morning when you can't sleep because you're remembering what shirts you need to take to the dry cleaners)** and oh, yeah, you eat the exact same thing all the time...until one day you don't.

This normally wouldn't be a problem. Who cares if you only order Kung Pao Chicken at every Chinese restaurant you go to? Only to end up hating said Kung Pao Chicken and never going to a Chinese place again. Since I am not single, it creates a weeee bit of an issue.

When we first started dating I was on a Chipotle kick. I introduced Mark to Chipotle and much to my enjoyment he LOVED it! We made kind of an obscene habit out of Chipotle tacos (we are so not a burrito family. Ew.) They knew us by taco toppings. It was sad.

Weeks went by and we were in taco and tomato salsa heaven. Until one day the mere thought of a taco made me gag. It comes on me quickly and without warning. And then Chipotle was over. I couldn't even handle the smell of the place. He was all You're crazy. And I was all No, YOU are! ( we argue like second graders sometimes). And it's not that he doesn't go there by himself but what fun is it to eat dinner at two different places? And eventually, I'll get that lovin feeling back, but it takes time.

Then it was the Italian place on the corner, the gelateria, pork chops, the sandwich shop, the peruvian chicken place, beef vegetable soup, brown rice and finally, most recently the Thai place down the street.

It started out slow, like all good relationships. Then it quickly progressed into something more serious. My favorite dish, double pleaure on the grill, and I were seeing each other on Friday nights, then it transitioned into an afternoon date on a Saturday. Finally, we were doing take out on random week nights. It was good, until it wasn't.

Double pleasure on the grill just wasn't what it once was. Why not another option, you might say? I like what i like and nothing tates as good as that first date with double pleasure on the grill. Scallops, shrimp with little pineapple chunks! We had it good once but it can never be regained.

So until I find my new Thai food soul mate the Thai place is no more.

Sorry, Mark! Love you!

** However, I completely forget Ella's school check, my lunch, what to set out for dinner and sometimes deodorant. So not always a fail safe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me Likey!

As I’m sure you’ve noticed from reading this blog, I’m a new mom.  You don’t say?

And as a new mom, I’ve run across some items that I cannot live without.  And I’m not talking baby products (who needs that dumb wipe warmer, anyway?) but products for ME.  They make my  life WAY easier and really, just more fun!  Truly, though, these items are for anyone with a busy life and not enough hands.

The Amazon Kindle

Two days before I was induced the hubs asked if I wanted my “Push Present”.  Uhh..Yes.  Thinking it was going to be some form of shiny (due to my not so subtle hints); I almost leaped off the couch.   Total truth, I wasn’t “leaping” off of anything at 9 months preggo but I think I did manage an enthusiastic YES, PLEASE!  To my shock, I opened up a Kindle.  Now, truth be told, this little gadget wasn’t at the top of my Push Present list or even my Christmas list or for that matter my Memorial Day gift list (I really don’t have a Memorial Day gift list but now that I’m thinking about it, I totally should.)  However, it is one of the best presents I have ever received. 

Love this little guy!

What do you do at the 3:00 am feeding when you can’t turn on any lights (for fear it will really wake up the baby) and you can’t fall asleep (for fear you’ll drop the baby) and you only have one hand free?  You read your Kindle.  You can hold it and turn the pages with one little finger all at the same time.   You can’t even hold a regular book with one hand, much less turn the pages.   I got through all five of the Game of Throne’s Books (highly recommend) and so much more.   I know they have the new Kindle Fire out now (color and all that jazz) but really for $99.00  the black and white Kindle is awesome.   Also, totally splurge and get the case – it has a reading light built in! So genius.  This baby fits in my purse, the diaper bag and can be flipped open at the bus stop, at lunch or at the doctor’s office.    



The super stylish Kindle case with built in reading light.



The Cole Haan Hadley Messenger Bag

I’m a purse whore.  I love all purses - big ones, small ones, black ones, red ones etc. But what really gets my blood pumping is sumptuous leather bags with lots of room and ones that generally have hefty price tags.  It’s really a sickness.   I had been on the lookout for a bag like Tom Ford'sflap-over-zip bag - see below (but one that I can afford). 



Tom Ford's Flap-Over-Zip Bag loved by celebrities and me but not by my budget! Boo!



So I was slack jawed when I ran across this Cole Haan Hadley Messenger bag which mimicked the Tom Ford bag, with about a ¼ of its price! 

This purse is genius!  It has the signature Cole Haan trademarks – the weaving on the flap, wonderfully soft leather, brass hardware and sturdy construction.   It has a fabulously long shoulder strap to sling across your body for when you need more hands than you have, plus a smaller strap that sits easily atop my shoulder.   It is big enough and wide enough for an umbrella, wallet and other miscellaneous crap I always seem to accumulate.  Plus it has two inside pockets, big enough for my IPHONE and a handy-dandy Sephora mirror, and a large zip pocket.   

There is also an outside pocket that closes magnetically, which is usually where you can find my Kindle!   

This bag is classic and sophisticated.  It’s understated while being roomy enough to go from the office to a nice dinner out.   

The Land’s End Boat & Tote Bag

I am in love with the Land’s End Boat and Tote bags.  For my wedding, I gifted each of my bridesmaids with a medium sized bag in my wedding colors (navy and silver) with their monograms.  They still use them 3 years later!  The bags are well designed for day to day and travel/overnight trips.  Personally, I have one that I carry my lunch, magazines, extra shoes etc in for the office.  And I also have a large one for days at the beach, for my yoga mats for class, or an overnight with the girls.  I also will monogram anything and everything so, of course, these bags also have my monogram!  They are such sturdy bags made out of heavy duty canvas, most of the bags have pockets and a key fob, and they come in a multitude of colors and color combos (genius!).  They spot wash easily and have generally held up really well for years.  The best part, they start out at $25.00 for a medium bag and $9.00 for monogramming! You can’t beat it!

One of the best uses though is for Ella’s diaper bag.  For me, diaper bags were either waaay to “diaper baggy” – code for spill proof and LOUD BRIGHT COLORS screaming “I carry bottles and butt cream” or they were either too utilitarian, “I just took out my lap top and stuffed some bottles in here. “  No one gifted me with a $170.00 bag and I certainly wasn’t paying that for a diaper bag.   Two of my aunts gave us two bags both with Ella’s name embroidered on them– one medium tote with long handles and a large, zip tote.  The medium bag works best for day to day diaper bagging.  The large tote zips for those nights at Grandma and Grandpa’s house or for traveling up to Ohio to visit family.   

One note of caution, on the website you can’t really tell how big the bags are.  The large bags are LARGE – big enough for 3 or 4 huge beach towels.   The medium bags can easily fit two Tupperware containers, a pair of heels, and a couple of magazines no problem.   Before baby, I also used this as a carry-on for flights. 

The IPhone

By this point, everyone has heard of the IPhone and how great it is.  From my perspective, It is truly the best little gadget around. I am not sure how I survived before this baby came out!   As I mentioned above with the Kindle, you only need one hand to use many of the apps on there.  So baby in one hand, IPhone in the other.    

To compliment the Kindle, you can download the Kindle app for the IPHONE and IPAD.  So if you forget your Kindle or its out of juice, you can still read your book on your phone.  With a wifi connection, it syncs to the Kindle so you never lose your spot.  How cool is that?  Again, one flip of your finger and your turning pages.  So easy! 

Other apps that I really love are the People Magazine and US Magazine apps.  I catch up on all my celebrity gossip with these little pieces of gold.   They can keep me entertained for hours!

 

And last but not least, the IPHONE camera.  This tiny little camera has captured more moments just because it’s always with me.   I am a big follower of the blog Moosh In Indy.   She is a genius with a camera.  Her pictures are so artistic, and lovely (her subject matter doesn’t hurt!).  She’s really a sculptor working with her chisel.   Me, not so much.   With apps like Instagram though I can try to fake it!  Plus, uploading the pictures to Facebook or emailing them to family has never been so easy. 

You and your silly games annoy me.



There you have it…products I can’t live without!  So, what makes your life easier? 

Requesting an A&E Intervention

As my husband will tell you I'm a TV-aholic.  I'm not ashamed to admit it.  I love me some TV.  And the trashier the better.  Reality TV is literally aimed right at me.  Storage Wars? Have you seen this?! This should have no appeal to me whatsoever. I'm not burly, nor do I wear old t-shirts with the sleeves ripped off.  I don't like to touch dirty things and all those things in boxes look dirty to me.  But OMG! These feisty weirdos battling it out over storage lockers pulls me in every time.  I just saw where they are doing Storage Wars Texas.  I live in Texas so I can only imagine the level of awesome in store.  And American Pickers - I want to gobble Frank and Mike up with a spoon! And I want to tag along in their weird little Euro van.

I cry at A&E's Intervention  EVERY. TIME.  I try to guess at the beginning of the show if the focus of the intervention will accept the help and stay clean or refuse. Its my little game to make it less soul-crushing for me.  I'm usually wrong and end up sad and depressed.  Hoarders used to be DVR'd religiously but after the first season the hoarding became so grotesque (I know they have a mental problem but still...) and my gag reflex is just too sensitive that I had to give it up.  But don't worry...

My newest drug of choice is the OWN network.  Not just any one show but an entire network! Manna from Heaven!

Granted, the early days of OWN were a struggle.  There was a lot of channel surfing.  Some "What the HELL was she thinking?" And a ton of "Why can't she just do her show for another 25 years? It doesn't look that hard." I'm fairly certain that the network bigwigs forgot that you need actual TV shows if you are going to run a TV network.   

Then BAM! It just got so freaking good.  Lisa Ling is so my girl crush and her "Our America" show...A-MAZING.   Did you see the average American family doing Internet porn? I had no idea this happened outside of the Bunny Ranch!  

The big guns came out though when the O got back on TV.  THANK GOD.  She did this amazing month long series, one show a night,  entitled Life Class.  I was on maternity leave at the time and I'd DVR the episode and then watch it the next day.  Pretty much anytime I had a conversation that didn't center around the baby's poop schedule I was trying to showcase what I learned in Oprah's Life Class.  Like she could somehow see me and grade me on what I learned.  If I hadn't had a baby screaming in my ear I would have taken notes - that is how crazy good it was! (Side note: I didn't say I wasn't weird.)

And finally the show they've been advertising for 2 months premiered on Sunday.  Oprah's Next Chapter is her one-on-one in someones home just being all Oprah-y.  I was salivating as 9:00pm drew nearer.  And it was awesome sauce.  It's Oprah at her best - talking to people all homey and comforting in one breath and the next she's all new-age guru.   I nearly wet myself.  I had no idea the pull she had on me.  She's my meth.

I consider it a blessing and probably a pivotal element in what makes our marriage work that my hubs doesn't really care for TV because clearly I have a problem.