Let's Get Physical ... er... Healthy

I’m doing this “Let’s Get Healthy” thing. You know the drill – eat better, move more, consume considerably smaller amounts of brownie, etc.

(Side note: “Let’s Get Healthy” should be sung to the tune of “Let’s Get Physical” by Olivia Newton John. It just makes sense.)

In the spirit of “Let’s Get Healthy” I had to measure myself last night. It wasn’t pretty. Mainly because I don’t know how to work a tape measure. Do you put the metal end piece thing-y so it’s just touching the other end of the tape measure or on top of the tape measure? I took livestock in 4-H because I thought it would be a good way to meet boys so my sewing skills are lacking. (Note: if you like making out with someone that smells like manure then, yes, it is a great place to meet boys.)

That is not the point, however. The point IS: I had to measure myself last night. Measuring a few areas on your body is supposed to be a good way to tell if you’re losing inches. Pounds lost is not always the best guide. It's also a good way to become an alcoholic.




So for those of you looking to make a change and want to get started, I’ve made a quick step-by-step guide:

1. Figure out how to use the tape measure.

2. Wrap the tape measure around the body part you choose to start with. For example, I chose my thigh.

3. Stare, disbelievingly, at said number.

4. Deny that that number is correct.

5. Re-do the measurement.

6. Start whimpering.

7. DENY the measurement.

8. Storm out of bathroom.

9. Grab a glass of wine.

10. Measure, AGAIN.

11. Commence bawling.

12. Sip glass of wine. Grab the bottle of wine.

13. Lie on bathroom floor.

14. Order a pizza.

The following steps are crucial, y'all:

15. Have your significant other tell you that you are awesome and perfect and lovely no matter what that stupid tape measure says.**Crucial**

16. Wipe nose with his shirt.

17. Throw away tape measure.

Clearly there was a reason those manure boys and I didn’t work out.

Photo credit: Flickr


 

Relying On My Navigator

I had plans to write about our Memorial Day weekend today but something else is weighing on my heart so I think I’ll change course.

I woke up today wanting to be someone else. I have a little case of the jealousies. Ok, a big case.




I look all around me and see all of these successful people, doing great things, doing what they love, getting promotions, being who they set out to be. I want to be those people.




I have these big goals and I want to go from point A to point Z. RIGHT NOW. Pleaseandthankyou.




I feel like I’m behind and I’ll never get to where I need to be. The road is too long, the mountains too high, the roadblocks too insurmountable.




Part of me feels like it’s too much work. This isn’t so bad, is it? Why not be happy here? But I know I can’t be happy here. I want more. I am more.




Regret is not something I want to live with. And quitting is not a trait I want my daughter to see. Quitters never prosper, right? Or is that cheaters? I can never remember. I’m so bad with clichés.




So, while my footsteps feel heavy, I’ll keep trudging along. (Also, the apple pie I ate last night probably isn't helping.)




Today is about realizing your path is not my path and being grateful for the blessings bestowed upon me. God has been good. So, so good. I know He has a plan.




You know those GPS systems installed in cars? We call ours Jane. Shes British. I have a tendency to ignore her, to my own detriment, of course. I think I know better than Jane. And then, I'm stuck behind a 4 car pile up for hours. I probably need to give up my ideas about where I need to go & how to get there and maybe I'll hit Point Z before I know it.




I need to trust in His plan. I need to have faith. I need to rely on my Navigator.




So if you see me today and my eyes look a little green just know I’m working on it.